How To Be an Obnoxious Camper

Every campground has their share of obnoxious campers. Someone said, look to your left, to your right, in front of you, behind you, if you don’t see an obnoxious camper, you may be it.

If you want to make sure you are that obnoxious camper, just follow these ten trusted and proven tips:

1. Arrive at the campground very late after everyone’s asleep. Drive around the entire campground with your headlights on so you can inspect each potential campsite fully. The blinding light may also serve to wake campers to make shadow puppets inside their tent if they want.

2. While you and your family carefully discuss and weigh the merits of each site, including those which are already taken feel free to idle your engine at high RPM for long periods.

3. When you are backing your boat, camper or motor home into your parking space, have someone in your party shout directions loudly and clearly. Keep at it, revving your engine, grinding your reverse gear and spinning your tires in the gravel until you get it exactly right,

4. If things take longer than you planned, as they often do in nature, take control by swearing obscenities. If your temper upsets the kids, even better. It will ease the tension for everyone if you get them to cry.

5. Leave directions for your gear at home. Pump your gas lantern for all your worth, then throw in a live match and enjoy the majesty of your own atomic blast. If you keep the gas valve completely open, your campsite can serve as a fiery beacon for other campers who may be lost, disoriented or under the impression they were sleeping comfortably.

6. Don’t practice setting up your tent at home, so you can have a full blown Kramer-vs-Kramer style marital fight which pole goes where first. Extra points for you if you brought a tent with metal poles. Plastic poles just don’t clang loudly enough when you throw the pole sack on the ground, trip over them and kick them out of the way.

7. Don’t feed your kids on time, so they will stand and gawk at other campers eating.

8. Instead of the ingredients for s’mores bring a small liquor store. And party all night. With the boom box on full blast, of course.

9. Make sure your camping party includes :

a) drunks;

b) someone with bronchitis, emphysema or other loud hacking cough; and

c) tired and cranky kid under the age of four. And finally,

10. Don’t use a packing list. That way you can have opportunity to meet the neighbors when you need to beg and borrow toilet paper, matches, eggs or bug spray.

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